12 Noah's Ark

According to the Book of Genesis, a 500-year-old senior citizen named Noah was tipped off by God that there would be a world-engulfing flood. According to the Bible, this was because Noah was the most righteous man of his generation.

Nevertheless, that was not much of a compliment since humans back then (not to mention the slick-talking snakes) were so sinful, violent, and corrupt that God got fed up with his initial creation. (No one, not even God, gets it right the first time.) He thus decided to do a “restart system”, kill everyone off, and then try to do a better job.

Noah was thus directed to build an ark in which he and his family, together with male and female specimens of all living creatures, would be saved. The ark was doubtlessly the most ambitious piece of technology ever created by a human in ancient times, and the Book of Genesis describes its dimensions as well as the materials used in surprising detail.

In fact, full-scale models of the ark, based on the biblical blueprint, can be found in Dordrecht, Netherlands and in a creationist theme park in Grant County, Kentucky. All of us know the story of Noah and how it eventually played out.

In an effort to copy Noah and even improve on his initiative, the Spanish government also plans to build not only one ark, but several. These arcas de Noé [Noah’s arks] will be in the shape of hotels. Their purpose will be to isolate people who have coronavirus but who do not have any symptoms. Their isolation will prevent them from infecting the rest of the population.

Consequently, all of the large cities in each province in Spain have been told to find a hotel, which will be reconverted into an ark. (In Granada, Noah’s ark will take the form of a circle-shaped four-star hotel, quite near my apartment building.)

This is further evidence that conceptual metaphors are a powerful means of communication. Only a few words are needed to set the scene and activate a ready-made scenario in the minds of listeners. This scenario comes with a previously installed cast of main actors, roles, actions, outcomes, values, and assumptions. The listener thus subconsciously makes the following correspondences.

The coronavirus is evidently the global flood, which is now spreading throughout the world. The Spanish government (Noah) has the ear of God (unspecified superpower), and thanks to government action (building an ark), righteous specimens of humanity (that’s us), who deserve to live, will be saved from extinction. This is advertising at its best.

Evidently, the effect would not have been quite the same if instead of ‘Noah’s ark’, the government had decided to call this type of hotel a ‘plague house’, which in past centuries was the designation for buildings used for forcible quarantine. Since few of the residents in these admittedly depressing structures ever emerged from them alive, the use of this term would have been a poor marketing strategy .

The government has thus made an excellent choice of metaphor since finally, after a period of ark claustrophobia (confinement), a certain number of people in the world (us) will be saved. The floodwaters (coronavirus) will recede, and life will return to normal, though it is to be hoped that the ark does not finally get stuck on top of a mountain. With a bit of luck, a rainbow might even come out, though I would not put any money on the appearance of a dove.

Another very attractive aspect of an ark is that it is a huge construction project. As such it is concrete evidence that after weeks of doing little or nothing, the government is at last taking positive action. The mission is to save the country in the face of impending disaster. It is unfortunate that the ark is not being built before the flood, but rather somewhat after the fact when the water is up to our waists ….but better late than never. At least our government (unlike others) has finally woken up to the fact that the flood is serious, and that it is not the result of an overflowing bathtub.

The projected arks of the Spanish government also have symbolic value because they indicate that at long last, the government has a PLAN, which involves more than just hoping that the virus will eventually disappear when the weather gets warmer. After the absence of effective planning in the initial stages of the coronavirus plague, it is reassuring to know that assertive action is at last being taken, which may save us. Hopefully, we will be more fortunate than the dinosaurs.

The result of this ark building might even be positive and make a rainbow appear. At the very least, this plan will certainly rescue a few hotel owners from economic ruin and provide employment for workers, who otherwise would have lost their jobs. Better yet, this same strategy worked in China, where it was first invented and implemented. In times of coronavirus, the Chinese also built arks to isolate the infected, and this helped Wuhan to emerge from lockdown. So, it seems like a plan worth trying.

I have friends who are immensely attracted to the idea of living in a hotel, where there is staff that bring you meals, do your laundry, and clean your room. One of them is a lawyer in Barcelona, who has a very domineering wife. Being quarantined with her is straining their already strained relationship. As a mercilessly henpecked husband, he views the possibility of residing in the hotel chosen to be Noah’s ark in Barcelona, as the gateway to Paradise. He says that he will be first in line when large-scale testing begins, and will fervently hope that he tests positive.

The only hitch to this grand plan is finding a way to massively test large sectors of the population. The viability and success of these modern arks depend on the existence and ubiquity of rapid testing kits and the logistics to efficiently carry out this testing. So far, neither exists. It is something that the government has not quite figured out yet, but they are working on it. Hope springs eternal.

P. S. By the way, for the unbelievers, the 15 days in Noah’s Ark would be at the expense of the National Health Service, courtesy of socialized medicine.