I do not watch a great deal of television, but I have a few favorite programs. For example, reruns of “The Mentalist” are an ideal context for correcting papers, revising texts, or doing the first version of translations. However, because I turn on the television ahead of time, I sometimes end up inadvertently viewing stuff that I would not otherwise watch.
On Sunday afternoon, the
program preceding “The Mentalist” is a documentary series titled “Ancient
Aliens”. As reflected in its name, the program presents highly speculative
hypotheses of extraterrestrial astronauts. It proposes that our historical
texts, archaeology, and legends contain evidence of human-extraterrestrial contact that occurred in the
distant past.
Over the years I have been informed that, among other things, ghosts and angels are actually extraterrestrial visitors from distant planets, the work of Leonardo da Vinci was inspired by alien technology, and that George Washington had an alien visitation at Valley Forge.
The series has taught me a great deal about how
fascinated people are by the possibility of extraterrestrial life. However, until
recently, the show was only a tiny footnote in my life. The only time that I have
ever pleaded to be kidnapped by aliens and spirited away to another planet was
when I had four small children ill with chickenpox.
Nevertheless, facts about Ancient
Aliens suddenly became relevant when Dr. Stella Immanuel MD, alumna of the
University of Calabar in Nigeria, appeared on the political scene as an
“important voice” in America. Dr.
Immanuel is affiliated with America’s Frontline Doctors, a coronavirus-skeptic
group of medical professionals, who are against masks and social distancing.
Instead, they advertise hydroxychloroquine, Zitromax, and zinc as the best way
to treat Covid-19 and combat the pandemic. President Trump describes this group
as “very respected” and Dr. Immanuel as “impressive”.
Some years ago, Dr. Immanuel
immigrated to America from Cameroon and now works in a private clinic in
Houston. Evidently, her overriding virtue in the eyes of the president is that
she is one of the few medical professionals in the world, who agrees with him.
So, it is only natural that he should admire and applaud her perception and
intellectual acuteness.
When asked directly about
Dr. Immanuel, President Trump responded, “I thought she was very impressive, in
the sense that, from where she came — I don’t know what country she comes from
— but she said that she’s had tremendous success with hundreds of different
patients. I thought her voice was an important voice, but I know nothing about
her.”
Unfortunately, the president
was too occupied with other matters to check out her stance on other issues. He
forgot (if ever he knew) that one of the Ten Commandments of Research
Methodology 101 is “Know thy sources”.
And it was at that moment when my knowledge of “Ancient Aliens”, peacefully drowsing in long-term memory, was suddenly activated. Thanks to my osmotic relation with this series, I have absorbed various tales of gods, monsters and strange beings of all types interacting with humans.
When these galactic invaders are not busy imparting wisdom and
technology, they spend their free time impregnating women to create demigods,
who are supposedly the result of human-alien unions. These offspring are invariably
smarter than we are (though this is hardly a difficult feat). Their presence explains
the occasional oases of intelligence in the immense desert of human stupidity.
An often cited text in this regard is “The Epic of Gilgamesh”, an ancient Sumerian poem written 4000 years ago. One of its myths is the possibility of a demon (incubus) appearing in the night to disturb and seduce women in their sleep, sometimes producing a child in the process.
Over the centuries, this myth has persisted as a trending topic,
and was avidly discussed by St. Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, and King James.
Certain sources even indicate that an incubus can be identified by its
unnaturally large or cold penis. (Don’t forget this, girls. The information might
come in handy one day.)
Like the ancient Sumerians, Dr.
Immanuel also believes in “astral sex” with witches and demons. Indeed, this
practice is the source of endometriosis, infertility, miscarriages and STDs,
which are “evil deposits from the spirit husband.” As a survivor of two miscarriages and thus
presumably the recipient of more than a few evil deposits, I can only agree
with her that spirit husbands are bad news and should be avoided at all costs.
Dr. Immanuel has also expressed
a belief in the involvement of space aliens and Illuminati in the manipulation
of the government. The “Ancient Aliens” series also conjectures that extraterrestrials
have been among us for decades, centuries or millennia. However, the government
has shielded the public from the knowledge of this secret alien invasion.
These infiltrators
have even shapeshifted into human form and move freely through
society. They now fill key government positions (hopefully, they have not been
fired) and are in the final stages of their plan to take over the world. Given
the current state of affairs, this cannot happen too soon.
In the opinion of Dr.
Immanuel, alien DNA are now being used in medical treatments, and scientists
are plotting to develop a vaccine to make it impossible to become religious.
However, given the current mindset of the religious right in the USA, this might
not be an entirely bad thing.
Though Dr. Immanuel has not
expressed this view, ‘Ancient Aliens” also hypothesizes that some plagues and
diseases, such as the Justinian Plague, Black Death, and Spanish Influenza,
were presumably brought on by pathogens of extraterrestrial origin. All of these
pandemics have been accompanied by reports of unusual celestial phenomena, the
appearance of strange creatures and objects in the sky, and ancient carvings of
figures dressed in hazmat suits.
So, it is entirely possible
that the coronavirus has been sparked by pathogens of extraterrestrial origin
brought to Earth in the form of cometary dust. Hopefully, at some point, Dr.
Immanuel, the new and important voice in American Medicine, will weigh in on this
topic and enlighten us all.
