In Spain, the coronavirus pandemic has not only impoverished the economy. It has also had a negative impact on relationships. Confinement has forced couples to live together for three months in strained conditions.
Just like Luminol lights up blood spatter at crime scenes, confinement reveals glaring holes in personal relationships. Even under the best of circumstances, a relationship has to be very solid to be able to survive the strain of prolonged 24/7 companionship.
Although initially, it was thought that confinement in Spain would lead to a higher birth rate, just the opposite has occurred. Now that de-escalation has begun, the number of divorces has skyrocketed. This is not entirely unexpected since the same thing occurred in China. Now other countries throughout the world are having a similar experience. Love is undying as long as one is not forced to be with one’s beloved 24 hours a day over an extended period of time.
As lawyers are aware, there is always a spike in divorces after summer vacation. Cohabitation is not easy even under the best of circumstances. And these circumstances are among the worst.
Since Covid-19 confinement has lasted much longer and has been more intense, it has produced a higher number of casualties. To avoid the total collapse of the courts, the Spanish judicial system even plans to use the month of August to alleviate the demands for divorce, arising from the tense climate in homes during and after forced isolation.
Next door in Portugal, even though the pandemic has been less severe, Covid-19 has also left a trail of failed relationships. The Portuguese government has even created a virtual platform so that divorces can be processed remotely. There is thus no need for judges to leave home or meet face to face with the couple. This will doubtlessly speed everything up.
Part of the reason for all of the emotional shipwrecks may lie in the idealistic vision of the ‘perfect relationship’ that pervades society. Research studies in Psychology have shown that the ‘pink cloud’ of passionate romance is fleeting and ephemeral. The pinkness lasts about one year, after which the pink cloud simply becomes another cloud.
If couples continue together after this honeymoon period, this means that the pink cloud has morphed into something else, usually a more solid type of love, where passion is mixed with tenderness, friendship, and respect, enriched with shared goals and interests.
Translated into daily life, this means that long-term couples must gradually learn to put up with each other’s weird habits and quirks (yes, we all have them). They must like to share things, but at the same time, they must learn to respect each other’s personal space.
The love between Romeo and Juliet will always be everlasting because Juliet died before she ever lived with Romeo for an extended period of time. Consequently, she never nagged Romeo because he snored. He never criticized her because her side of the closet was a mess; and she never became angry with him because he did not play with the children while she had to telework on the computer.
In Spain, coronavirus breakups are more frequent among the younger set, but confinement has also strained long-term relationships, which were forged way back when there was no divorce. There have even been a few of these casualties in my apartment building.
Yesterday, I received a visit from Mrs. Perfect, who lives in an apartment on the floor above mine. I have known her for 40 years, and as her name implies, she is the essence of perfection. Unlike the rest of us, she and Mr. Perfect have never quarreled and have always unremittingly adored each other. They have never had periods of cold silence when they glared at each other over the breakfast table.
Before he retired, Mr. Perfect had the perfect job, which allowed her to be the perfect housewife and devote her time to cooking perfect meals for her perfect family.
Mr. Perfect is also reputedly endowed with the perfect penis that allowed her to have the perfect number of children (two): one boy and one girl. However, now because of the coronavirus, her perfect life has become less than perfect.
After three months of confinement, yesterday she confessed to me that she has suddenly discovered that Mr. Perfect is not as perfect as she had always believed him to be. Although this came as a surprise to her, it also reflected that she and her husband had never spent much time together as a couple. This had permitted them to ignore each other’s shortcomings.
Mr. and Mrs. Perfect married when divorce did not exist. In those days, couples stayed together for better or for worse. However, it was a foregone conclusion that the happy couple would not constantly be together.
Gender roles were perfectly defined. Men dwelled in a male world, mainly inhabited by other men, where they devoted their life to manly (usually outdoor) occupations.
In contrast, the female world had a narrower scope, which encompassed the home, family, and the market place. Feminine occupations were reduced in number, and they were mostly things that could be done in the kitchen (cooking and cleaning) or sitting on the couch in the living room (sewing and knitting). Needless to say, Mr. Perfect lived in the male world; and Mrs. Perfect inhabited the female world. And until Times of Coronavirus, the twain had not met.
Before retirement, Mr. Perfect had worked on road construction projects and was away for long periods of time. When Mr. Perfect finally retired, he still continued to be away from home. During most of the day, he spent a significant part of his time walking around town and occasionally stopping at bars to have a ‘tapa’ or two, which meant that he returned home in a jovial mood.
When Covid-19 closed the bars, and no one could go outside except to buy groceries or medicine, the constant companionship of Mr. Perfect became difficult for Mrs. Perfect to handle. Since their children had grown up and moved away, their main topic of conversation had disappeared. During confinement, they suddenly found out that they had very little to say to each other. They discovered that they did not even like the same television programs.
Mr. Perfect suggested that she play dominos or cards with him. Mrs. Perfect suggested that he help her mop the floor and peel potatoes. However, this did not work because neither was disposed to enter the domain of the other. In old-style Spain, the traditional male world and the traditional female world had few shared occupations outside the bedroom.
But that was not the worst. In a gloomy whisper, Mrs. Perfect informed me that things had become so bad that now after 17 years, he even wanted them ‘to have sex’. She told me that she now let him go to bed without her. That way he could ‘figure things out for himself’. She would stay up watching television until she heard him begin to snore.
Despite these problems, it goes without saying that Mr. and Mrs. Perfect will never add to the divorce statistics. When confinement is lifted, Mr. Perfect will begin strolling around town again, and then, their post-coronavirus world will be perfect once more.
