I belong to that reduced sector of the population who does not like video games. I find them repetitive and boring. My life goals do not include the extermination of others (even disagreeable others who might deserve this fate). Nor do I enjoy being annihilated by invading extraterrestrials, hideous monsters, or the walking dead.
Not being able to smoothly progress from one level to the next is also frustrating. It reminds me of the university system in Spain, where one spends one’s professional life rock-climbing up the steep academic wall in an effort to become full professor. Both in video games and Academia, the number of levels seems to go on forever.
To make things worse, video games have become increasingly difficult to understand and play. I say this from the perspective of someone who witnessed the birth of the first video games. When my oldest sons, the psychiatrist and the pilot, first began to play them, these games were still in their infancy.
My first (disagreeable) experience with video games was when my sons loaded a tennis game onto my first computer, irreversibly infected it, and caused half of my PhD dissertation to be gobbled up by demons in cyberspace. These evil beings spirited it away, and it was lost forever.
I was left with the choice of either murdering my children or writing it over again. Fortunately, I chose the latter (though it was a close call).
Something similar happened about five years later when the pilot loaded a helicopter simulation game onto my computer. When the inevitable occurred, his life was not seriously endangered because by then, I had learned to make back-up copies of my files. The computer was reformatted, the helicopter game was banished, and the pilot finally ended up flying cargo planes.
After that, I made my computer off-limits to everyone in the family, and put a circle of mousetraps around my desk. My children learned that my computer was not to be touched on pain of instant death. They thus had to find another vessel for their diabolical video games. After cheating death a few more times on my husband’s computer, they eventually grew up, and all problems ended.
My next video game experience occurred some years later when my grandchildren became computer literate. When I finally got back in touch with the video game world, I discovered that these games had evolved considerably and had become infinitely more complex. I made an effort to play them (because that is the job description of a grandmother), but failed miserably.
I am unable to compete with my eight-year-old grandson. Of course, he likes to play these games with me because he always wins. Unlike me, he is able to effortlessly commune with monsters from outer space, travel to other parallel worlds, and overcome an infinite number of obstacles to obtain a golden key, wizard certificate, or whatever. He is able to smoothly progress from one level to the next without batting an eyelash. I am not.
Perhaps I dislike videogames so much because I am hopeless at them.
However, now I have no choice. Yesterday, the Spanish government published their de-escalation plan. In doing so, they have immersed the entire population of Spain in a video game with four levels/phases. If things go well and we kill a sufficient number of monsters, each level will last about two weeks.
Nevertheless, in their usual bumbling way, the members of the government have designed a plan that is more confusing than informative.
For example, this particular video game has four levels, but the first level is Level 0. This means that Level 1 is actually Level 2. The game ends at the Level 3 (which is actually Level 4). This morning, I unsuccessfully tried to explain this to Mr. Neanderthal (my neighbor from across the hall), who is still ruminating on this issue.
Level 0 will begin on 4 May.
This level is fairly depressing since we will not be able to do much of anything except go for a one-hour walk and buy groceries. A few businesses will open, including beauty salons. However, since they are booked up now at least until October, it would be fruitless to go.
In any case, many will not open because they still have to adapt their locales to the new rules, and they haven’t had enough time to do this. If this phase goes well and if statistics do not soar, we will then progress to Level 1.
Level 1 is a slight improvement over Level 0. More small businesses will return to life. Also included are churches and outdoor terraces (30% occupation). A reduced number of hotels might also open though with certain restrictions. Athletes will be able to renew their training sessions.
Level 2 allows restaurants to reopen (30% occupation) though only table service will be offered. Primary schools will provide activities for those children who cannot stay at home because both parents work. In this phase, movies, auditoriums, and cultural spaces will re-open (30% occupation).
Level 3 is the last and most important level because beaches will reopen. In this phase, we will finally be able to travel outside of our province (though not outside of Spain). The use of masks will still be recommended in public spaces. A few restrictions will be lifted in order to resuscitate (national) tourism. If we successfully, get to this level, then the gateway will open to the “new normal”.
Nevertheless, this grand plan has various wrinkles that still need to be ironed out. The first is the lack of clarity in the instructions.
As master of the art of giving exams to up to 150 students, I know that however clearly one writes exam instructions, there will always be someone who asks a question, stupid or otherwise, about how to do the exam. It is even worse when the stupid question is not asked, and the student then proceeds to do the exam incorrectly. The length of the exam instructions, even clearly written ones, produces an exponential increase in the number of students who are unable to understand them.
The instructions regarding this grand plan are not clear. For example, professional surfers are able to train at Level 1, but beaches do not open until Level 3. Unless the government is talking about surfing the Internet, this is not going to work.
Moreover, at Level 2, schools will be open for children of six years and younger (when both parents work). However, what about children of seven and older? The only countries where children are self-sufficient at the age of seven are Burkina Faso and Bangladesh.
Finally, victory in this new government PlayStation will depend on whether we manage to kill a sufficient number of monsters (viruses) at one level to be able to progress to the next. That is the good news. The bad news is that if we are not successful at one level, we can also regress to the previous one or even return to Square One.
Yesterday there was a significant increase in the number of new cases as well as the number of deaths. No one knows how all of this will go. It is still a mystery.
