Tomorrow, in Spain confinement will begin to de-escalate. It is not that things are going marvelously well. The best that can be said is that things are not going as badly. The hospitals are emptier. My son is back to working as a psychiatrist. Now his hospital only has 150 coronavirus patients instead of over 500. Yesterday was the first day in almost three months that no patient there died of coronavirus.
The statistics are also more favorable because the government has found a new way of counting the deaths, based on reincarnation. People die but then they come back to life again, and continue to exist in some sort of parallel netherworld. There is thus a gap of about 14,000 deaths between government figures and reality.
Perhaps we should be cautious and stay indoors a bit longer, but no one knows, not even the doctors. The coronavirus is still a mystery.
But we have had enough. We see countries around us relaxing restrictions, and we are envious. We also have the right to some fresh air. It is true that China had a longer quarantine period, but three months of confinement is too much to expect from Spaniards, who lack the self-discipline of the Orient. We would like to embrace some degree of normality again.
The government is aware that the natives are beginning to get restless, and does not want to become unpopular and lose votes. This is understandable. They are also tired of this mess, and of trying to find creative ways to transform bad news into good. They are aware that many families are having a rough time. Not only are families suffering from economic difficulties, but also having children at home all day is exhausting and wearing on the nerves. Steam is building up, and they have to find an escape valve.
When I was younger, I lived in Paris for five years. Our home was a 70-square-meter (750 square feet) apartment, and we had four small children: the psychiatrist, pilot, forensic doctor, and policeman. My husband and I slept in the living room. The psychiatrist and pilot slept in the bedroom. The crib of the forensic doctor was in the kitchen, and the policeman had his crib in the hallway.
Paris is a beautiful place, but its weather (compared to Spain) is improvable (to put it mildly). It seemed to be perpetually cold and rainy. In the winter, the sun set in the afternoon, and darkness descended on the Eiffel Tower. This was also confinement though of the intermittent variety.
On many weekends when we were obliged to remain cooped up at home because of the depressing weather, I was reminded of the poena cullei (Latin for ‘penalty of the sack’). This ancient Roman punishment consisted of being sewn up in a leather sack, with an assortment of live animals including a dog, snake, monkey, and rooster, and then being thrown into a body of water (in my case, it was the Seine). The fact that my children managed to survive past the age of nine is nothing short of miraculous.
So, I understand how prolonged confinement with small children can imperil one’s sanity. In all probability, the members of the government have been under great pressure from desperate parents to allow children to go outdoors. Since many of the ministers also have children, they are aware that children need to go outside. At the same time they are afraid of making a mistake and causing a spike in the numbers.
The decision to take this second baby step began with some confusion. The first proposal was to allow parents to take their children (under 12) on a walk to the bank, supermarket, or pharmacy. This declaration was met with the utter disbelief of the general public because all of these places are closed-in areas where children could get infected and also infect others.
Furthermore, all of us who have taken small children to the store know that the ‘supermarket challenge’ is worthy of being included in the Olympics. One must first decide who gets to sit in the seat of the shopping cart, who sits inside the shopping cart, who pushes the shopping cart, and who gets to pick out the items from the shelves. Tantrums may ensue when the cart stops moving when it is necessary to stand in line to buy fish or meat. Riots can also break out when lettuce and carrots are put in the cart instead of chocolate candy. Children must also be dissuaded from eating the items in the cart before they are paid for. Concisely put, a trip to the supermarket is not the same as going for a walk in the park.
Fortunately, the government rectified its proposal that same day, and has now issued a more reasonable directive. The final version was approved yesterday. Hopefully, it will work, despite its rather daunting list of regulations.
One parent can take up to three children (under the age of 14) for a single one-hour walk per day within a maximum radius of one kilometer from home. The children must maintain an interpersonal distance of two meters from everyone that they encounter, including their classmates whom they have not seen in over a month. (How do you convince a four-year-old not to say hello to a friend?)
If there is a park close to their homes, they can walk there. However, playgrounds and recreational areas are off limits. Children cannot interact in any way with swings and slides. If there is no park nearby, the children are out of luck and must stroll on the sidewalk. Masks are recommended.
Although these regulations are reasonable (given the context), on Monday, when the show begins, it will be interesting to see how all of this plays out. A great many odd situations will doubtlessly arise.
First of all, there are not a sufficient number of policemen in all of Spain (or in the EU) to enforce these rules. The government is asking families to be responsible for their own actions, and in many cases, they will be. However, there are always those who think that the laws do not apply to them, and will stay out for longer than an hour or go farther away than they are supposed to.
Police officers have enough on their hands with arresting criminals. Drug dealers also want to go outside. They have had their income reduced, and thus are renewing their activities. Their clientele, in various stages of addiction and withdrawal, are now demanding home delivery. Trying to stop such crimes is regarded by the police as more important than fining parents who stay over the one-hour time limit with their children or who take them on walks to a park that is outside the one-kilometer radius of their home.
With no one to control family walks, the balcony vigilantes (balconazis) will have their heyday. They will have to make a list of the people that they see walking down the street with children and get out their stopwatches to time how long they remain outside. The punishments meted out by these intrepid deputy sheriffs could include hurling insults at the offenders or emptying buckets of water onto their heads. In extreme cases, they might call the police.
So stay tuned for the next episode of this unfolding drama. The government has announced that if the numbers continue to behave, on 2 May, adults will be allowed to go outside to run and take walks. That is when the fun will really begin.
